Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Santa Ashley

It's that time of the year Honey Pot readers!  Santa Ashley is busy looking over lists and checking them twice...time to find out which Bruins have been naughty and nice ;)

Just for fun let's take a look at what Santa Ashley is getting each of her boys for Christmas this year!

Ok lets start in net and see what Santa Ashley got the best goaltending duo in the NHL for Christmas!

Tuukka Rask - For Rasky well he was an easy one to check off my list.  For Tuukka this year I got him a copy of "Anger Management for Dummies". 

Tim Thomas - For Timmy there were so many things I could get for him it was hard to choose. In the end I took his age and workload he has been getting into account and I got Timmy a super soft extra padded Yoga Mat.  Those knees aren't going to last forever ya know! We need to take care of our gumby like goaltender! Oh I also got him a booklet of Cheeseburger coupons since we know Timmy loves a good cheeseburger!

Next I hopped over to the Mall to work on the d-men on my list...

Zdeno Chara - Hmmm what to get the 6 foot 9 255 pound man on your list...well since I happen to be Canadian and Big Z happens to get in trouble with the law up here...I pulled a few strings down at the local Court House and I was able to use my "charm" to get the Captain 4 get of of Jail free cards for his remaining 4 trips to Canada for the season!

Dennis Seidenberg - A big bag of oats and new shoes for the Bruins horse!

Andrew Ferrence - For our environmentalist to help spruce up those commutes to the Gahden I got Captain Planet a basket and a bell for his bike! ALSO I got him a new pair of hockey gloves. Hockey gloves that have the index and middle finger sewn together so the next time he has an "equipment malfunction" he will be giving the peace sign and not the finger :)

Joe Corvo - Lazer treatments to remove that embarrasing sun tattoo around his navel.  Joe...that might have been ok in Ottawa and Carolina but you're a member of the BIG BAD BRUINS now...we tattoo Stanley Cups on our bodies...not the Sun around our belly button!

Johnny Boychuck - O full of potential and promise...for you Johnny I went back to the bookstore and I got a copy of "Hockey 101 for Dummies".  Johnny I love ya and I think you are supremely talented but I really question your hockey IQ on many nights.  I think this will help!

Adam McQuaid - For Darth Quaider I took the Liberty of having the Arena Staff at the Gahden install foam padding behind both nets for the next time you inevitably go crashing in possibly head first even it sound be a much softer landing

Steve Kampfer - The easiest one to buy for on my list.  I got Kampfer a season pass to Disneyland and a trade to Tampa so he can use his pass all year long. 

Now onto my forwards....will roll through our lines here with what Santa Ashley will be putting under Bruin trees!

Shawn Thornton - Just for fun I'm gonna give Thorty Matt Cooke for Christmas.  This way he gets to beat the shit out of him 365 days a year!

Daniel Paille - I got Pies a chisel for Christmas.  Danny boy can grind it out with the best of them but man o man are those hands made of stone.  Once we chip away that stone what a complete player Pies will be!

Gregory Campbell - My homeboy Soupie.  No literally we grew up about 15 minutes from each other...we're from the same hometown!!  Gregory I simply got you a Gold Star for Christmas.  I think your so underrated and you bring so much to this team...shot blocking, never afraid to mix it up, the man on the PK and on and on...I just really think for Christmas this year you deserve to be recognized for all your efforts!

Chris Kelly - For our boy having a breakout season Santa Ashley just HAS to get him a much deserved contract extension for Christmas!!!

Rich Peverley - Maintance Days.  Pevs missed practice today to rest some bumps and heading into the new year I wanna give Pevs more maintance days and possibly his own personal nurse....

Benoit Pouliot - Well the perfect gift for the newest Bruin would be...a Ryder jersey.  As my buddy Daniel has coined him the "New Ryder" what better than a Ryder jersey so he can channel all of Ryder's goal scoring prowess versus the Habs, not having to do anything for an entire game but just making one shot a game count and also the ability to play net when neccesary.

Nathan Horton - Our inspiration in the last year's Finals...for Horty during my last trip in Boston I managed to get down to ice level and sweet talk the Zamboni drivers and what I got for Horty is...a case of Gahden Water!  Horty feel free to pour some of this magical water on your got a long way to go to fufill my Forty Horty prediction! Oh I also bought you a year's subscription to Playboy in case your ever on the market for a new playmate...

Milan Lucic - For Looch I got him a conductors hat and a steam whistle.  Maybe next time the Loooochich train comes barreling down the tracks Miller will hear it coming and get the fuck outta the way!

David Krejci - A 50 million dollar insurance policy on those silky sweet hands!  I figure that's about how much they will make him over the course of his career so he better get those bad boys insured!

Brad Marchand - For the rat I got him a pair of extra low rise jeans and NO shirts. 

Tyler Seguin - I got Segs two things for Christmas this year.  1 - I got him a first-class ticket to Ottawa because I really think this kid deserves to be named to the All-Star game in Ottawa this year and 2. I got  him a fake ID so he can run with the rat all year long and take his shirt off in every club in Boston!

Patrice Bergeron - For Bergy he gets...his first of many Selke Awards....and me...under his a bow...just a bow :)

There you have it...Santa Ashley's Bruin Christmas List is complete!  To all my Bruins and anyone reading this right now have a happy, safe and hockey filled Holiday Season!

- Ashley


  1. No contract extension for Chris Kelly...YET!!! Either he was bad or Santa f'd up. Great list though, Ashley...Happy Holidays!

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